Friday, January 18, 2008

Hard Time

So, as my post title suggests I'm having a hard time right now. With life in general. I debated about sharing this, but you all are my friends and I could really use some prayer right now. I've been deeply depressed for the last few weeks. I've tried ignoring it, denying it, lying to myself that nothing is wrong. I'm having a really rough time finding a dental assisting job. I keep going back to the fact that we spent $1700.00 for me to go to dental assisting school. So I keep pushing forward to find something, especially in orthodontics (braces). I've sent out about 150 resumes (no that number is not wrong) that pertain to anything I've had training or experience in. Jobs I'm qualified to do. About 80% of it is dental related. I've had a measly 2 interviews for dental assistant jobs and each of them turned me down. I got turned down from another one and they didn't even interview me. I don't understand. I went to school, I've been in the health care field for years, and I'm certified in the state of Ohio, including x-ray certified, to work as a dental assistant. You know why I got turned down? Because I don't have a lot of experience (the only experience I have is when I did my externship for 2 months at Dr. Camm's office). But how do I get experience if no one is willing to even give me a chance? Doesn't that sound hypocritical in a way? I think one of the main things is that these dental offices have a happy little system going, and they don't want to interrupt it by bringing in someone who they would have to spend a few weeks training. What the heck?! How does ANYONE in ANY FIELD get experience unless someone gives them a chance and trains them??? Besides the whole job situation, there are other things I'm dealing with. I'm having trouble losing weight so I feel fat and unattractive. Thoughts such as I'm a loser, and I'm not worth anything keep plaguing me. And if that's not enough, being depressed has led to physical pain and sickness. I'm in agony with my back. I keep getting sinus/ear/throat infections. I'm crying right now as I spill my guts to you all. I know that God is near and that He hears me and knows exactly what He has planned for me. But I want so badly to hear things clearly from Him. Patience in this area has proven not to be a virtue of mine (I'm working on that). It seems like all my friends have their careers and/or their families and that they have it all figured out as though God told them Himself. I'm NOT angry at God. I don't want there to be any confusion here. But I feel the need to question Him everyday as to why my life is nowhere close to what I worked so hard for. Ugh, now I'm just babbling. Pray for me. I do NOT want to head down the road into even deeper depression. It runs in my family and I've seen what it can do. Please, friends, tell me it's going to be OK.

4 comments:

Andrea said...

Awww..that is rough! I wish I could just come and give you about a million big hugs!! And if you think your friends/family etc. might be looking down on you because you don't have a job or career yet - I highly doubt that. At least you are trying REALLY hard to find one - that is more than a lot of people can say for themselves! And I know it's much easier said than done (WAAAY easier!) but really praying about it and trusting God is the best thing you can do...I will be praying for you!

Margo said...

Crystal, all those nasty negative thoughts are from Satan himself. He's a liar. take all those things and turn them around to mean the opposite and there you will find the truth about yourself. Don't listen to that stupid devil!! You are beautiful, intelligent and worthy of any dental job!! And those health issues have to go in Jesus' name! Keep your eye on him amd he will bring you out of this trying time stronger than ever! Be encourgaged! God had awesome plans for you, Crystal. Much love.

BekABoo said...

I know it's tough. Believe me, I know! I've been out of college nearly 3 years and have yet to find a full-time job in my field. I've been following my husband around the country instead. Right now, I'm takind exactly 1 college course, which takes up a whopping 5 hours a week, and can't decide which store in the mall will to work at so I'll be the least dissatisfied. I have depression and anxiety related to my body as well. So much so, I'm even considering very drastic measures. It really sounds like you and I are very kindred spirits these days. We all go through these phases, trying to find a nitche. I'll pray for you, if you pray for me! ;)

Haley-O said...

Try try try to go with the flow. For whatever reason, this is your lot right now. Just be good to yourself, and your thoughts and attitude will change, and then things will look up. :)